Whatever the true purpose of the Argentine postal service might really be, it has nothing to do with postage.

'Sending things' is an activity regarded as Highly Suspicious by Correo Argentino, and is only undertaken as a sideline activity under extreme circumstances, adhering to strict guidelines, which include but are not limited to the following principles:

• unwrapping and rewrapping things

• no food items will be sent

• no string

• colour

• items that are not food are prohibited

• multiple weighings

• visiting widely dispersed offices in a specific secret sequence

• rules that were brought in recently

• no form of tape or anything remotely adhesive is allowed

• no gifts